Dear All,
As I’m trying to write this blog post, I’m sitting at a friend’s house in the US.
It’s not the first attempt to this update, so far I haven’t found the right words to share my experiences from the past months.
In my previous update I shared about the start of our new field service in Sierra Leone. The setup of the OR department, Hospital Evacuation Drill, Hospital open house, etc.
At that point we were only a day away of opening the hospital and admit our first patients for surgery. A lot has happened since then.
Start of our Field Service in Sierra Leone
We started off with 2 OR’s running General Surgery. Mostly Inguinal Hernia repairs and removal of lipomas. Which sounds like an easy start, but as often happens in Mercy Ships, what seems to be easy, comes with a lot of unexpected challenges.
It feels like I’ve stepped into a roller coaster that hasn’t stopped. As staffing in the OR was already a challenge, some of our team (including me) had to do extra tasks to keep the OR department running, ensuring safety for our patients and enough support for our staff to be able to do their jobs well.
We managed our 4 weeks of General Surgery, did some emergency cases and bring backs. Late nights, lots of on call shifts. Worked on daily schedule changes. Trying to keep everyone comfortable with what they were asked to do, while finishing up the setup of our department and writing manuals to leave as much of my ship related knowledge behind as possible.
After these 4 weeks of General Surgery, we switched to run 2 OR’s of MaxilloFacial surgery. Although this has been my area for the past years, running 2 OR’s without any alumni OR nurses, is quite the challenge. And as we found out on Sunday morning that one of our surgeons got delayed with a few days, we had to re-arrange the consultation days etc. Never a dull moment. I often ask myself why do we plan things and make a schedule as it almost always changes.
We did a number of different surgeon consultation days, had to say “no” to quite some patients, which is always heart breaking.
All the Final… Last…
The title of this update is called “final… Last… ???”. There were so many lasts these past months.
Last surgeon consultation day. Last time putting a surgical schedule together. Last big surgery I got to scrub for. A maxillectomy, which is my favorite surgery.
Last big thyroid I got to scrub for. Last time to check and approve the surgery schedule for the next day. Last time to say goodbye to some of my favorite surgeons. Last time I donated blood the day before surgery for one of our patients, last 30-minute call to the ward for our patient, last pick up from Holding Bay, last patient hand-over in PACU.
Our last MaxilloFacial surgery was on a Thursday morning, 10 days before I was leaving.
My last week onboard was spend on finishing off the manuals I started and make sure that as much of my knowledge got transferred to paper.
These last days I had my last OR devotions, last workday, last goodbye meeting (for the OR team) on Friday morning. Some “lasts” were easier than others.
Finishing well
One of my goals for these past months was finishing well. Which sounds great, but how do you do that?
I had no one to handover my job to, so I had to put everything into a manual.
I wanted to be part of as many surgeries as I could, but also trying to teach others and share my knowledge. At least I got to scrub for some big surgeries, which is still the best part of my job.
As I had done the setup and packup of this hospital many times, I had set the goal to put this whole process into a manual so that the team after me knows what to do, how to get things done the easy way and what to expect. I’ve kept an eye on our supplies, implants and other inventory. So that’s another job to handover. And lastly all the other tasks I did over the past years, knowledge I gained during the equipping phase and a lot of hospital on a ship related knowledge that I tried not to get lost.
I wrote 5 manuals in my last week onboard and hope that this will help my co-workers and the ones to come to continue the job we started.
Saying “Goodbye”
As much as my time was focused on work, there was of course time to be social. I tried to get off ship at least once every other weekend. Somewhere between going to the market, having lunch or dinner of ship with friends, and going to the market again.
As some of my closest friends are also my co-workers it was hard to schedule a goodbye dinner off ship.
They surprised me with an on ship dinner, 2 weeks before I left, cooked by one of fellow crew members, served in the guest lounge on deck 11. It was a lovely group of people, all 8 of us work in the hospital, to hang out with for the evening. They did a great job in organizing this, putting the menu together, decorating the room, setting the table and (trying) in keeping it a secret (I got suspicious when I had to go to a meeting at 17.55hr on deck 11). As much as I don’t like to say goodbye, and don’t want all the attention, it was a wonderful evening.
My last Sunday onboard, the community wanted to say thank you and goodbye during our church service. As I don’t like to be the center of attention I wasn’t too sure about this, but turned out I didn’t really have a choice, other than not going to church, which wasn’t really an option either. Our hospital direction shared a couple of words/ thoughts about me and I was asked to come forward so they could pray for me as a community. What a special moment. I’m glad I changed into a “normal” outfit after I wore scrubs all day, as I was on call and had some work to do in the OR department.
I scheduled an on ship goodbye dinner in the diningroom, the Thursday before I left, where everyone who wanted to say goodbye to me, could stop by for a bit. Some people stopped by for a few minutes, others hang around for the entire evening. We ate our dinner, had deserts, baked by different friends, and chatted for a long time.
Friday was a ship holiday, but with all the schedule changes, we decided that the OR would work a normal workday to get as many plastics patients scheduled as possible. As other crew members were heading out for the weekend, I already had to say goodbye to some of my friends on Thursday night. My goal was to finish some emails, write the final handover and leave work early. Whenever I try to do that, there’s always something happening that messes up these plans. I ended up working till almost 18.30hr. As it wasn’t an easy day of work, we decide with a few people to get off ship for dinner. We had a nice evening, debriefing the day a bit and hangout together, while eating some good food.
Most of Saturday was spend packing my last belongings. Some of my stuff was already taken to the Netherlands by friends, who left before me. Which gives me a good reason to travel around the Netherlands and see my ship friends, and secondly, gather my belongings. As I was travelling to the US before going home, I didn’t want to bring more than one piece of checked luggage. Many things I owned on the ship are very helpful on the ship but not needed at home. I gave away some of these things to a Dutchy that had just arrived and is staying for almost 2 years and of course, I’m thankful for the boutique onboard were the crew can leave belonging they don’t want/ need anymore and make them available to other crew members. That’s were all my other items that I’m not wanting to take home went to.
Often I had “deck 8- debrief dinner” with my very close friends, Paula and Jennie. So we decided that my last night onboard definitely needed a deck 8-debrief-dinner. Before dinner Paula showed up at our cabin and she had a goodbye gift for me. A notebook full of memories and messages from so many people I worked with over these past years. She started this months and months ago, as there are handwritten messages from people that left in March. This is the best gift one could ever receive. So thoughtful, so special, so valuable. I’m glad I received this gift in private from 2 very dear and special friends.
I woke up early on Sunday morning, had breakfast in my cabin, and started cleaning, packing the final, final items and donating the last pieces to the boutique. My luggage was ready, while I was still running around in scrubs. Of course you want to finish all the jobs and shower and change as close to departure as you can. I had my final lunch on the ship. Showered, changed and was finally ready to leave, for as much as you can be ready to do so after 9 years living on a ship. I picked up my passport and yellow fever card from reception.
Departure
I walked my last time down the gangway. So far I had been okay with the fact that I’m leaving and with saying goodbye to people, as for a lot of people it’s more a “see you later” than a “goodbye”.
There were many people on the dock I had to say goodbye to. Up till then I was okay. When I had to say goodbye to my good friend Paula, who became a sister these past years, I broke. I started to realize that I was actually leaving, not just on PTO or LOA where I had a return date and a return ticket. I was leaving to re-entry into the Netherlands. I would not see these friends for a long time, and when/ if I would see them again, most likely not on the ship but somewhere else in the world. This was really a “goodbye for now”. The end of a chapter of life.
I’m glad I wasn’t the only leaving, although I was the only long-termer leaving. After saying goodbye, or kind of in the middle of it as it took me a while, they prayed for us. We walked through the tunnel, got into the car and drove away.
While saying goodbye and driving away, the captain blew the ships horn. I probably cried the first half of the journey towards the sea coach.
We had our tickets for the sea coach already. Checked in our luggage. Waited for departure time.
Boarded the sea coach, made it safely to the other side of the water. Got on the bus to the airport. Picked up my luggage. Made my way to the check-in desk. Thankfully the weight of my checked luggage and carry on was approved. Now the waiting began. I spend hours in Freetown’s Airport. One of the other Mercy Shippers that was leaving kept me company until his flight was boarding. Had a coffee, read a book. Met some other travelers and had some fun conversations with them. It was finally boarding time for my flight to Brussels. We had a stopover in Monrovia (Liberia) to get people off the plane and get more passengers on the plane. After we took off for Brussels, we got a meal and I tried to sleep. Not something I usually do a plane, and this was not a difference. Watched some movies. Got of the plane in Brussels and needed to go through all kind of security checks, as I was continuing to travel to the US. The checks all went smoothly, and another couple of hours waiting began. Just the normal airport stuff. Find water, get a coffee, watch other travelers, read a book and start over.
Finally got on my flight to Chicago. Again without any sleep, but watching some movies and reading a book. In Chicago I had to pick up my luggage and re-check it so it would make it to Tulsa, my final destination. After check-in I had to take the train to a different terminal, go through security again, and again more waiting. But so far no delay. Boarded my final, and smallest, plane to Tulsa. Because of the rain and wind they told us the plane was to heavy and they were asking for volunteers to get off the plane and take a later one. There were a couple volunteers but that didn’t solve the problem. They again asked for volunteers, with checked luggage to reduce the weight. This didn’t work either and we were told that they would take off random pieces of luggage to correct the weight. I was afraid that my luggage would be taken as it’s 23kg. I wouldn’t know until I reached my final destination if my luggage had made it or that it would be on the next plane. I met my friends in the airport, even before I picked up my luggage, which did surprise me. So good to see familiar faces after 36+ hours of traveling. Thankfully my luggage did show up.
Current thoughts
I’ve been here a week now and am starting to feel lazy. I know it sounds ridiculous but that’s how it feels when you don’t have to do anything and all you do is rest, read a book, go for a walk and rest and relax some more. Not that I feel rested at all. And I’m glad I don’t have to do anything, as I have zero energy. But at the same time it’s something that I’m not used to.
I slowly read through my memory book and have to pace myself so I don’t have to cry every time I open it. Every message, every photo has so many memories that’s amazing and painful at the same time.
I started to put some of my thoughts on paper of how I’m feeling right now. And even that is not really helping. I’ve often asked myself the question if this has really been the right decision and if should have made a different decision. Being away from the ship is hard, especially without having a set plan of what to do next. Usually there has been a goal to work towards, this time the goal hasn’t been setup. All I need is rest, and that’s hard.
Next
As I said before, I haven’t set any goals for the next few months. Only that I need rest. I need to process all that has happened these past months and years. All the patients I got to work with, including their difficult surgeries, returns to OR, long and challenging roads to recovery. The different people I got to work with, all the challenges different cultures and different ways of working and interacting bring. Always having to be flexible and explaining how things are done and process run, over and over again. The weight of all the responsibilities I had over the years and probably the hardest thing to do is to let go. To tell myself that I’ve done my best and that this job is not my responsibility anymore.
I’m leaving the US on November 28th and will return to the Netherlands on November 29th.
Going to the coast for a couple days the first week of December.
I’m staying with my mom the month of December and early January I’ll move to Teuge (https://permisihome.eu/en/).
I found a debrief that’s held in France. I’ll be going there in February for a week.
Other than that my calendar is empty. I’ll be visiting Mercy Ships friends in the Netherlands, especially the ones that carried some of my belongings home.
I’m not sure if there will be another update from me on this website. But if you want to know more, feel free to reach out to me.
Deddy